Supporting Children’s Mental Health

Hello everyone!

This year, Children’s Mental Health Week will take place from 5 to 11 February 2024, with the theme of ‘My Voice Matters’. The week shines a spotlight on the importance of children and young people’s mental health. My post today is intended to serve as an awareness raiser and a quiet reminder of what we can do as adults to equip children and to reduce incidents and instances of bullying anywhere, to improve their mental health.

Bullying

Bullying is defined as any intentional, repeated aggressive behavior directed by a perpetrator against a target in the same age group. One of the most noteworthy components of bullying is an imbalance of power between the bully and their victim. Sometimes the power imbalance is obvious when, for example, a bigger, older, stronger child bullies a weaker, smaller one or when a group of people bullies a single individual. However, sometimes the power imbalance is more difficult to discern because it involves less obvious factors, such as differences in popularity, intelligence, confidence, or ability, or knowledge of the information the victim finds embarrassing.

There are a wealth of statistics in relation to bullying both in the UK and overseas and you will regularly see bullying reported in the media. Research from the Department for Education looking at pupils in year 10 found that: 40% of young people were bullied in the last 12 months; 6% of all young people had experienced bullying daily; 9% between once a week and once a month. Most common form of bullying was name calling (including via text and email) at 26%, followed by exclusion from social groups at 18%. The research showed that 21% of children who had experienced bullying daily had truanted in the last 12 months - 3 times the proportion of those who were not bullied. Young people who had experienced bullying daily are also most likely to truant for the longest period of time, with girls almost twice as likely to truant because of bullying than boys. 24% of children bullied most days are also most likely to be kept off school by their parents; and 15% of children who had experienced bullying daily had been excluded from school in the last 12 months (compared to 5% of children not bullied). Additionally, 1 in 4 young people with SEN (special educational needs) experienced violence (actual or threatened), with actual violence noted to be more likely to always take place at school compared to other forms of bullying.

A great number of bullying goes on in schools daily some noticed and recorded but others go unnoticed. In 2013, about a staggering 45,000 children talked to ChildLine about bullying. Research figures from National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) suggest nearly half of children and young people (46%) have been bullied at school at some point in their lives.

Bullying varies in severity and frequency and can take various forms and shapes. Whatever the description, bullying is not acceptable anywhere. The occasional taunting, teasing, name-calling and insulting of the ‘timid child’ in class are as unacceptable as the frequent pinching and shoving of the ‘clumsy child’. This is simply because bullying, as well as being distressing to the victim and their family, can also scar for life.

Having said that, I wish to point out that when children get involved in the occasional ‘rough play, fighting, aggression and shouting at one another’ on the playground, it may not necessarily be bullying.

This post is not an elaborate article on bullying as a topic but rather a brief one that sheds a ray on an aspect of bullying that is often difficult to detect: low self-confidence.

Research from the Anti-Bullying Alliance in 2016 with over 13,000 pupils aged between 7 and 15 across 44 schools in the UK found that: 1 in 4 children reported they were bullied a lot or always, disabled children and those with SEN were around twice as likely to be bullied; the risk of being frequently bullied declined with age; males were more likely to be victimised than females; disabled children and those with SEN were three times more likely to both be bullied and to bully others (‘bully-victims).

The outcome was that children and young people who were involved in school bullying enjoyed going to school less, had poorer relationships with their teachers, and were less likely to feel safe or included within the school and children who were eligible for free school meals were more likely to be victims of frequent bullying.

Effects of Bullying

The effects of bullying have serious and lasting negative impacts on our mental health and overall wellbeing.

Bullying can cause feelings of rejection, exclusion, isolation, low self-esteem, and some individuals can develop depression and anxiety as a result. In some cases, it can even develop into Acute Stress Disorder or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Research has shown that being a victim of bullying can lead to longer term impacts including interpersonal violence, substance use, sexual violence, poor social functioning, and poor performance. Even witnessing bullying can impact one’s wellbeing.

Being bullied at a young age can affect someone well past childhood and can cause lifelong psychological damage. During these young years, children are identifying roles, developing personalities, and figuring out who they are. When a young person is bullied, it can lead to problems with trust in others, self-esteem, and anger. It can be hard to develop relationships with others at an older age when they may not have had any at a younger age. When we’re repeatedly presented with blows about who we are or what we are doing, we create a poor self-image and expect that others see us in the same light.

Bullying often leaves us with lingering feelings, turning into anger towards others or ourselves. When one goes through bullying over a long period of time, they may begin to blame themselves for being bullied. Thinking thoughts such as “If I wasn’t so ugly, people would leave me alone,” or “If I tried harder, people wouldn’t make fun of me.” These types of thoughts can change how we see and feel about ourselves and leave long-term impacts.

Five Simple Ways Your Child Can Increase Their Confidence As Part Of Beating Bullying In School

Global statistics indicate that every day at least one child is bullied in school as a result of low self-esteem or low level of self-confidence. School children can sometimes be very mean to one another especially through the use of unkind and insensitive words.

There may be exceptions, however I’m of the opinion that if you spoke to most school children, you’ll discover that majority of them have faced a period in school when they have received belittling and hurtful treatment(s) from another child as a result of low or seemingly low self-confidence in some regard. A child’s sense of confidence can be impacted by their physical appearance (aesthetics), accent, ethnic and cultural background, religious orientation, socio-economic background, academic ability or inability, poor handwriting, poor social skills and many more. From my experiences as a parent and an educationist, I am convinced that given enough time and support however, children can achieve a high sense of self-confidence to levels able to hold their young and delicate souls as well as guide them through their versions of the vicissitudes of life.

Several very simple strategies that children could employ to generate and boost their self-confidence may include the following:

1. Teach your child to identify a group of sensible people they can trust, such as parents, siblings, close family members, teachers etc. Let them know that they need to establish good relationships with these people so that they can easily approach them for ideas, wisdom tips, to share their concerns and to have heart-felt conversations about general life issues with them. When a child finds someone they can trust, they feel close and comfortable enough to disclose, confide and have open conversation with that person about any issue. Additionally it gives the young person a sense of belonging, an assurance that plants a great sense of confidence in them. It’s just like saying ‘someone is always looking out for you.’ Also, by this connection, children can gain valuable insights and problem-solving techniques which becomes indispensable as they grow.

2. Teach your child simple aesthetic approaches and disciplines to help them pay attention to how they look because appearance matters. Help your child to present a victorious image rather than that of a victim. It’s very easy to dress smartly without spending fortunes; you just need to think a bit more about what you want and how you want to present yourself. Simple disciplines such as brushing of hair, clearing food crumbs off the mouth, polishing school shoes or wearing ironed school uniform can make a great difference to a child’s confidence level and can affect how people perceive them. Also, your child will respond to people more confidently when they know that they appear neat and tidy. Teach your child to be proud of who they are in terms of their (your family’s) principles and values and not seek to change just to keep up with or impress friends.

3. Doing right, constantly and consistently brings a great sense of accomplishment and with it, an increase in confidence. Help your children and young adults understand that even though they may be faced with so many enticing attractions all around them, they must endeavour to remain sensible. It’s hard to be good a lot of times; however, if your child does it regularly they will become bold and confident in what they can achieve if they put their mind to it. Help your child find books about great people who struggled with confidence and urge them to learn about how these people overcame their struggles. For example, by reading Dr Ben Carson’s books ‘Think Big’ and ‘Gifted hands’, a child may learn a lot about him, what he did to turn from a very poor performing student to a high achiever who outwitted bullies, won many scholarships and became a fantastic neurosurgeon. If your child has formed certain bad behaviours and attitudes which predispose them to bullying targets, seek help on how to address the undesired behaviours.

4. Let your child understand that they can portray a confident personality even if inside their head they are so afraid that they can hardly look up. People can learn to be confident through daily practice of certain good and confident acts which eventually become entrenched behaviours. Therefore if your child is timid, often feels scared or is very shy, encourage them to ‘chest out’ and go out with a broad smile, being the best they can be and knowing that they have great power within them to go through any situation. If your child looks confident, it will be more difficult for them to fall prey to bullying.

5. Finally, encourage your child to always think confident thoughts, have positive inner conversations and be mentally strong. A confident child enjoys school and is never frazzled or overcome by challenges (at least not for too long). Furthermore, a confident child believes in who they are and hence able to relax and excel in school. When a child thinks great and confidence evoking thoughts, somehow, they generate more inner strength and resilience which vibrate through their being and make them actually do things confidently. In school, your child should be bold to speak out and answer questions in class, show people what they know and determine to not engage in behaviours that draw negative attention to them.

A great number of children who fall prey to bullying at school (often or occasionally), suffer silently. If you suspect your child is a target of bullying or is perhaps a culprit then you must seek urgent help in addressing the issue.

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